Bisexuality
by blueashke
Summary: HeYa, not Brittana. Naya's thoughts before she walks out onstage for the kiss.


Bisexuality. It's one of those words that where I grew up wasn't any big deal. But here in Hollywood? It's a tease. It's everything that they try to make girl on girl teenage couples be. And why the hell is it so wrong that a girl enjoy sex? It's the oldest double standard there is. If one of my male costars goes out to the bar every night and brings home a different girl to fuck (or hell, I'll bet you if Chris brought home a different boytoy to do whatever), he's a stud. Me? I sleep with one - ONE colleague and suddenly I'm a tramp. We weren't the ones who made Ryan come up with that STUPID rule about no sex in the trailers. (If you want to know who made him make the rule... see who spilled the beans about us. Convenient, isn't it? I'm just sayin'.)

So maybe that's why when she kissed me that day, I told her we should keep it secret. I mean, I was still doing what I was doing with him. And she had the boyfriend who wasn't a boyfriend that week, but was later? I never understood it. Why would you call it a relationship when you see him like, four times a year? It's a long distance fuck for Christ's sake. Not like she Skypes him all that often even. But whatever.

She kissed me. After we'd finished filming yet another scene with the two extra girls hanging around in the background. There wasn't any rhyme or reason to it that day. Just her and me, alone in our trailer. A softly spoken word over my shoulder as I stood in front of the mirror led to me turning in her direction and opening my mouth to respond. I don't even remember what it was she was saying that I was answering, because suddenly our lips were only centimeters apart and I was falling into those sapphire blue eyes. I lost my words, and before I could think a thing, she was closing the gap and my breath followed my words as she stole it from me with a kiss.

Kisses turned to caresses, and caresses turned into whispered words about 'boyfriend' and 'cheating' and 'distance' and 'while the cat's away'... and those whispered words two weeks later coupled with several bottles of a very nice merlot became our first night together. And it was amazing. I was young - still am - just not as naive as I was; sex with men was fun, but sex with her... it was what I was made for. Our hands just seemed to fit into all the right crevices. She was just tall enough to bend me over the desk in my bedroom. My hands were just small enough to fill her completely and yet safely. Our stamina, our desires, even the perfect contrast of our skins - all of it just screamed that we were meant to be.

For six months it was a whirlwind of dancing and singing and touring followed by kissing and laughing and screwing whereever we thought the cast and crew wouldn't catch us. The one and only time we got caught, the term 'mouse kisses' was born, Kevin having only spied us as we said goodbye at the door to our trailer one day. Chord became one of us and not only accidentally picked up the Bee nickname that Kevin and I had between us, but managed to ruin the sparkle snatcher joke she and I had had. "Why did you call me that?" "Because you took the sparkle from the stars and put it back in my heart with your dancing, love."

Christmas came and family obligations separated us. Things just... didn't seem the same, and then times got weird. You were more attentive to him. I'd long thrown away any ideas of us being together the same way I'd envisioned Brittana to come to be. You won't even say you're bi, not even to yourself. Newsflash - you lost your straight card babe. The season ends with your stupid article and that shipping of Bartie. But the moment it comes out, you start to act differently as the tour begins. Is this your apology? Do you want me back, or is this just another tour fling?

For weeks you danced my way, setting the online fandom aflame with every swat you aimed at my ass, every heated look, every time you grabbed my hand, until I started returning the handholds out of... okay out of desire and want and dammit I'm young. I love you and I want you to be mine but for now... for now I'll take what I can get. So while my manager is going to kill me, and your guy will probably freak out at you... I'm still going to go up on that stage in a few minutes.

Because even if Blaine is gay, Brittany is bisexual, not to mention in love with Santana. So really, I'm only helping solidify HER sexuality, not really giving the world a glimpse into my own... right? It's not just an excuse to kiss you in front of thousands of people, to let you know that yes, I still want whatever we could have. 


End file.
